They’re walking between the rolling hills, the folds of the land. It’s just like it used to be, only she’s so much taller and now it’s her who needs to slow to match his pace.
Around them are close-cropped paddocks, rabbit burrows, low walls of piled stone by the roadways; taut tension-wire fences cutting across the land.
In the corner of the bottom paddock stands an ancient oak. Below that an old bath-tub, used as a water trough, and some lazy cattle gathered around in the shade. The old fence-line is marked now by a row of conifers, and the occasional rotted fence-post standing useless and alone.
Farther out, by the creek, the native gums hold sway. From one lower branch a frayed rope dangles over a stagnant billabong. Almost, on the wind or in the memory, there are the sounds of children laughing and chiacking and splashing. Echoes from a summer long since passed.
Twilight is coming on. A crack from a .22 sounds from over the hill on some farm beyond.
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This is a Contemporary Rural Short Story about what is lost to progress.
August 7th, 2012 at 5:48 pm
This is a really nice little short story. Only one speaker, but you can see both the characters are steeped in personality. It’s a really solid read, not one thing I could point out needs improvement. 10/10. Love it.
August 7th, 2012 at 7:45 pm
Thanks again. What a glowing review.
This is really the start of a longer piece, so hopefully the rest of the tale lives up to early expectation.
Did the tense work for you though? I’m trying out two options for the rest of the story – one keeping the present tense; the other shifting. Not 100% satisfied with either at this point but I suppose that’s why we revise our drafts.
August 8th, 2012 at 1:09 am
It really did work. I don’t know if it was deliberate, but it seemed to just really fit in well with the setting and the story that you were conveying.
The only worry I would potentially have in constantly shifting tense is that it might become a bit gimmicky. But, you are clearly very talented, so in your hands I’m sure it won’t be
I have just posted an opening chapter of a new story I’m working on on my blog .. wish me luck!
-Vera