Tag Archives: dying

Torquay (2009)

Twenty years had done remarkable things to the streetscape.

New architecture shone in the weak sun, tall and ostentatious. Glass and steel and advertising shouted silently that the world had changed.

And so it had.

His childhood memories were still remarkably vivid and could be laid now over his vision, showing the past as a transparency. It seemed almost as if there were faults, rifts, in time and space so that the past and the present could co-exist; his childhood and his adulthood side-by-side. Some things had remained stubbornly unchanged. Next door was a restaurant. It specialised now in Mexican cuisine and possibly always had. There was a pet supplies store down the street in a building which he remembered always having associated with animals. The post office at the corner, the unpaved footpath, the white papery bark of the tree on the nature-strip, all these shared their existence between memory and reality, but across the road the old school-yard was gone and in its place a commercial monstrosity of car-parking and brand-names and flavoured coffee. In his transparent past he could still see a sun-browned oval, crooked goal-posts, chain-link cricket nets, and his childhood self running manic after a tennis ball, or a remote controlled car.

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This is a reflective piece on the importance of place in how we frame our lives and our memories


Hospital visit (2009)

Idiot smiles in chins slick with drool.

A bag of sagging flesh ambles along the corridor. She is bruised and bloated like some grotesque beaten beast. Staples run from temple to temple like a rail line.

I visit a skeleton. Arthritic joints curl fingers into claws. They clutch at me urgently.

The Roman Catholic chaplaincy has come and gone. They left a pamphlet full of prayer and promise. Death is obviously near but god, if he is here, is more subtle. I cannot apprehend him. Perhaps the others can.

Words fill the air, the innocuous ‘secondary’, the arcane ‘metastasised’.

‘Cancer’ echoes in the room or in my mind. The word haunts like a spectre. Every other word exists in the long shadow it casts.

A nurse brings afternoon tea. White with sugar. It is drunk through a straw with glacial precision.

My boy saves me. Soon he will be two. He is life amidst death. He is irrepressible – indomitable. He is an incarnation of oblivious joy. He climbs over the deathbeds like they are play equipment in the park.

Then he is tired and saves us all.

“He is tired.”

Excuses are made. Cheeks are kissed – his round and plump; hers dry and wrinkled.

We shuffle out with guilt inflecting our relief.


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