Tag Archives: fiction

Leaving the Farm (2012)

They’re walking between the rolling hills, the folds of the land. It’s just like it used to be, only she’s so much taller and now it’s her who needs to slow to match his pace.

Around them are close-cropped paddocks, rabbit burrows, low walls of piled stone by the roadways; taut tension-wire fences cutting across the land.

In the corner of the bottom paddock stands an ancient oak. Below that an old bath-tub, used as a water trough, and some lazy cattle gathered around in the shade. The old fence-line is marked now by a row of conifers, and the occasional rotted fence-post standing useless and alone.

Farther out, by the creek, the native gums hold sway. From one lower branch a frayed rope dangles over a stagnant billabong. Almost, on the wind or in the memory, there are the sounds of children laughing and chiacking and splashing. Echoes from a summer long since passed.

Twilight is coming on. A crack from a .22 sounds from over the hill on some farm beyond.

*****************************************************************************

This is a Contemporary Rural Short Story about what is lost to progress.


My first publication

I’ve just had my short story “A Choice of Kings” accepted by “Dark Edifice”, a new Australian Speculative Fiction magazine. It’s a non-professional market, but it’s a publication!

Their website is http://darkedifice.webs.com/magazine. Edition #1 is available for free now. My story will be appearing in edition #2 in July or August.

Some of you may have read the story on my blog already but I’ve removed it from there and put a link to Dark Edifice instead.

It’d be great if you could support this new magazine, and in turn support emerging and established Australian writers. They’re also on FB: http://www.facebook.com/DarkEdificeMagazine.

I’m going to to pop some proverbial champagne.


‘Untitled’ Chapter 1 sample excerpt

This is the first draft of part of Chapter 1. There’s some racist language in there, but one of the themes I want to explore is the effect of casual or unchallenged racism so it’s not there gratuitously. I’ll post something to the blog about the themes of this project in future.

We rejoin Brian nearly twelve months after having lost his crowd control job in the prologue. He’s been mostly on the dole in the meantime and finances are a worry for him. He’s got a job offer from Neville Coffey, who runs a small security company:

Chapter 1:

Neville Coffey always had a reputation as being a dodgy fucker, but like I said I wasn’t in much of a position to be choosing my employers. I’d actually worked for him before, well, kind of. He’d run the crowd control on a venue in the city and some nights, when they needed an extra guy, they’d outsource to the company I was working for at the time. So a few times I’d worked with his guys and they seemed alright. Nev’s reputation never come up while I was working with them, but in the industry if you mentioned Neville Coffey’s name people’d narrow their eyes and tell you to watch him. ‘He’s a slippery bastard’ they’d say.

So when I go to meet Neville I’m already a bit nervous ‘cause I’m not too sure I can trust him. In the phonebook and on his website his business is listed at a swank address in the city, but he gets me to come and meet him at some little office in the middle of the suburbs. It’s part of a strip of little offices across the road from a shopping centre. There’s cheap lawyers and accountants with single door frontage and narrow stairways that lead to pokey little rooms. On the walls are some of those motivational posters with images like oars in water or an eagle in flight and under the image there’s words like “effort” and “leadership”. One of them has a woman with no arms who’s painting with her foot and underneath it says “what’s your excuse”.

The girl on the desk is nice enough. Her name’s Suzie. She’s blonde and tan and pretty in a way. Not like a model but well dressed and nice make up. She smiles and takes my name and asks me to wait. Then she’s back to answering the phone or working on her computer like I’m not even there.

There’s some old copies of “Australian Security Magazine” and a stack of glossy brochures advertising Neville’s company. I flick through one. It offers crowd control for pubs, clubs and parties. I did an 18th party once and I’m never doing another. According to the brochure Neville also specialises in security guards, security patrols, close personal protection, risk management, debt recovery, fidelity investigations and every other thing under the sun. The brochure is decorated with pictures of Neville and the blokes who work for him. Sometimes they’re in suits carrying briefcases. Later they’ll be peering out of a car with a camera in hand. On the next page they’re near a small plane on tarmac with a waiting limo. They look like fucking idiots. But like I said, I can’t be choosy.

Neville leaves me waiting half-an-hour so by the time I see him I’m pissed off even though I’ve got nothing better to do anyway.

The girl at the desk leads me to another room, even smaller than the waiting room. There’s a table here and four chairs. When Neville comes in he’s got two of his guys with him. A big, fat wog with greasy hair and a tall, skinny kid with a shaved head. I recognise them from the brochure outside.

‘Brian, mate. How’s it been?’ Neville asks. He puts on like he’s happy to see me but we’ve never really met face-to-face before. He’s smiling ear to ear and all charm. I wonder if part of the reason he’s got this reputation is that he looks like a rat. His top teeth are too big at the front, so when he smiles that’s all you see. His nose is thin and pointed and his chin’s weak.

He sits opposite me and his two guys take the other chairs, one on either side. I wonder why they’re there. Nod to each of them in turn. The skinny kid nods back. The wog just smiles enthusiastically and sweats a lot. It’s not even that hot.

‘Brian this is Leo Angurio.’ He indicates the wog who keeps smiling and says nothing. ‘He’s the head of my mobile security patrols. And this is Jason Milligan.’ The kid nods again. ‘He’s heading up my static guard division.’ He reads something in my reaction. ‘I know he’s young, but he’s good. You can trust him. Now at any given point any of the three of us might contact you so it’s not like you’re just taking orders from Jase or from Leo, or from me even.’ He gives a little laugh that’s gotta be fake. ‘Well I say “taking orders”, but you know what I mean.’

‘Yeah,’ I say. ‘I reckon I know what you mean.’ The wog seems distracted already but the bald kid just keeps looking at me. Makes me kinda uncomfortable. ‘Look I don’t mean to be rude, but I been waitin’ half-an-hour here Neville. Tell me what job you want me on and I’ll get straight out there if you like.’ He laughs again. Maybe genuine this time.

‘Straight to the point. I like that. I do. I’m sorry about the wait Brian, I am. You know how things get sometimes. The shit hits the fan somewhere and suddenly you’re arranging shifts or sending a patrol somewhere. Anyway, we have a job in the northern suburbs mate. Inner-north, not too far from you I understand. We thought it’d be right up your alley.’ He smiles. Waits for me to say something. I can’t think of anything worth saying so Neville just presses on. ‘It’s a block of flats in Brunswick mate – sixteen of them, but there’s a few empty ones. There’s been a little trouble there of late. The cops are aware of it and they’re right on board with us. Basically over the weekend someone’s taken apart some of the fence where the flats back up against a park. Anyway they’ve come in through the fence at the back of the lot and they’ve gotten into one of the vacant flats. Probably just kids having a party you’d reckon but they’ve fair trashed the place and then they’ve gone and put up some racist shit on the walls and that sort of thing. Normally wouldn’t be something we’d be involved in but there’s a big breach in the fence, it’s not getting fixed before Easter, and like I said there’s a few vacant apartments in the block so the body-corporate’s worried about squatters and vandals and shit like that. There’s a bit of overseas investment as I understand it so they’re just claiming the security costs through insurance or as negative gearing or whatever. No skin off their nose to have a guy on the site overnight for the next week or so.’

‘So it’s a week’s work?’

‘Well at least I reckon. At least a week. See the big issue here is it’s Easter next weekend. Now we got hit with this Saturday night and I got someone on site last night but that was a temporary fix mate. We need someone who can be there every night this week, and ‘cause it’s Easter I’m struggling to fill my regular shifts already. Too many young blokes are ducking out of town on the long weekend you see. Anyway I heard you live alone, no kids or anything, and I was hoping you’d be right to work through Easter.’

‘Just night shifts?’

‘Yep. Twelve hour shifts. Seven pm through to seven am. Piece of piss mate, you’ll spend half the time in your car. Give the block a foot patrol every half-hour to an hour. Flick your lights on to anyone who looks dodgy and that’s about it. I just need to know you can do it right through the Easter weekend mate. Give me that assurance and you’re on the books. When this job ends there’ll be other shifts for you I guarantee it. We’re going gangbusters in here for work at the moment. I can’t get good guys on my books quick enough. I tell ya Brian. All I get are bloody Indian students who can’t speak a bloody word of English. You advertise a job and there’re two dozen of these fucking resumes that stink of curry before you get to a name you can pronounce.’

‘I’ve got a boy. He lives with my ex-missus. I’d want to see him on Easter Sunday.’

‘Not a problem mate. Like I said it’s just seven to seven. The day’s yours. Spend a few hours hunting eggs with your boy. Just make sure you’re right for Sunday night.’

I make a show of thinking it through but it’s bullshit and I reckon they know it as well as I do. Neville needs me to cover this for him, but if he doesn’t get me he’ll get someone else. One of the curries perhaps, but it doesn’t really matter. He just needs a body on site. I need to pay the rent, and that means I need him a lot more than he needs me, and that means that eventually I nod and shake each of their hands in turn just like we’d all known I would when I first turned up.

******

This excerpt is about half of what I’ve written for Chapter 1. I’m still getting comfortable with the first person but I think it works for Brian. As a reader we will really get a sense of how he understands things and how his character operates.

I’m still a bit uncertain about the tense. At times I’m finding these really great phrases in the simple present and I want to use them. In my head I’ll plan out whole scenes in simple present, but then when I write I sometimes revert to simple past. At times the narrative is going to require some variation and obviously with dialogue any tense or aspect may come up, but it’s Brian’s narrative I’m most interested in. The prologue was in past tense and I like the idea of having the prologue past and the novel present, but it may not work… we’ll see. I suppose that’s part of the ‘joy’ of drafting.

Right now the project is just over 4,000 words (9/4/2012). A bit less than I’d planned for from the prologue and Chap 1, but for 20 chapters and an epilogue that would give me about 80,000 words.


‘Untitled’ Prologue sample

So this is from the prologue of the new writing project I’m working on.

It’s first-person POV, which is a bit unusual for me but something I’m experimenting with more. I like the intimacy it gives of being right in the protagonists head and I think it helps me with giving the piece an authentic voice or tone, but there are obviously limitations that it brings and particularly with a protagonist like Brian who’s unlikely to wax lyrical or engage in much deep philosophical reflection. We’ll see how I manage the tight focus of first-person I suppose, but so far at least I’m finding it works to give Brian his voice and let him tell his story in his own way. Let me know if you agree (or if you don’t).

Prologue

It was Saturday night and I was working the door when it happened. I’d been working the venue long enough that I had seniority so I didn’t really have to do door shifts anymore if I didn’t want, but I kinda liked having fifteen or twenty minute stints outside where the air was fresher and there weren’t so many people.

Used to be the sort of place where Saturday nights you’d need four guys inside and two on the door. That was before they fixed up the old pub near the railway line into a club. It weren’t so busy any more since then and we were only running two inside and one doorman that night. It was an easy job. The pub was on the edge of an industrial area, not too far from the waterfront but a bit away from the main roads and the railway. You didn’t people coming out here except to come here.

The regulars here were mostly oldies putting their money into the pokies or across the bar. There was a DJ but he was pretty crap and no one came this far out of their way for the music. Other than that it was pretty standard really: a bistro which did about enough business to pay the kitchen staff; a couple of pool tables and some TVs cycling between footy, rugby and music videos; fake plants against the walls.

What I liked about it was that there was rarely any trouble.

One of the regulars, Jimmy, used to be in with the Painters-and-Dockers and would get around telling stories of how he’d known Lewis Moran in the early 90s and stuff like that. Most people who were likely to cause trouble were probably too young to be scared off by the Painters-and-Dockers but if I ever had to kick anyone out  Jimmy’d give me a wink and afterwards he’d always say ‘want me to sort ‘em out for ya?’ and we’d laugh. He drank rum and coke. Always rum and coke.

The bloke behind the bar was a kiwi. Nice enough bloke but he’d had his two front teeth knocked right out of his head and he could give you a grin that made him look hard as fuck. When he cut drunk blokes off they’d see that grin on him and then I’d give them the tap on the shoulder and they’d figure it wasn’t worth the effort.

So it came as a bit of a surprise this Saturday night when a little trouble came my way.

There was about half-a-dozen of them. A couple of girls and four young guys. They were pretty dressed up, came walking from the direction of the railway lines with the girls carrying their high-heels and laughing at the sky. I figured that meant they either got put out of the other club or they never got in. Either way I figured we wouldn’t want them either. I got on my radio while they were still a way up the street and by the time they were at the door there was me and Rangi waiting for them. Rangi was barely nineteen but he was already a strapping kid. He stood a couple inches taller than I did and looked as tough as they come. He reckoned his uncle had played Rugby internationally for Samoa against Jonah Lomu. When I looked at Rangi I believed it.

The first kid tried to go past us without looking, like he could pretend we weren’t there. I put my hand on his chest.

‘Hold up mate. We’ll need some IDs.’ I said. The girls started fumbling their purses and the kid at the front went into his pocket but there was one of them up the back just trying to hang in the shadows. ‘Your mate too,’ I said, loud enough that they could all hear.

‘Just get your ID out,’ one of the girls said to her friends. She showed me hers and I made a show of looking at it, but really my eyes were on the kid at the back. Something wasn’t right with him. I gave the girl her licence back.

‘Hey mate,’ I said. ‘Come up here and give us a look at you.’ He was slow to react, but he stepped forward. Straight away I knew he was trouble. He stared right at me with wide eyes and pupils so big his whole eye looked black, like there was no colour in it at all. He swayed a little, and his shoulders shook. His whole body was bulging and tense, with drugs, with gym-weights, with the frustration of not having his own girl…

‘Don’t reckon we’ll be able to help you guys tonight I’m afraid,’ I said. There was a chorus of disappointment and complaint. ‘What the fuck?’ and shit like that, and the girls pleading, ‘oh he’s alright, he just needs a place to sit down.’ I never took my eyes off him though. I’d been in enough fights to know when someone wanted to start one. He glared at me.

‘Fuck you you racist fuck!’ He spat at my feet. In my younger days that probably would’ve been enough but I’d mellowed a bit post-thirty. I was too old to be tangling with drug-fucked kids in the streets.

‘Don’t reckon insulting me’s doing you any favours either mate,’ I said. I smiled, sweet and innocent and ugly. ‘Probably best you move on. There’s others waiting.’ There was too. One of the regulars, a bloke about my age, name of Tom, with a young tart on his arm who he’d probably paid for and now wanted to show off to his mates at the pub. He spoke up now.

‘Hey Brian, Rangi. No trouble is there?’

‘Nah mate, no trouble.’ I said it to the young kid with the black eyes.

‘Just as well,’ turned to one of the other kids who weren’t getting in. ‘Hate to see you have to hurt these young-uns.’ It was a joke meant for me. It found the wrong audience – had the wrong effect.

The kid Tom’d spoke to said ‘Fuck you old man’, but the kid I was watching didn’t say a word. The knife came out of nowhere.

{to be continued…}


Characters

So I’ve put up the second character profile for my new project. She’s obviously markedly different from the protagonist of the piece, but then narrative is conflict I suppose.

Now in both these cases the character profiles are quite extensive. As these will be the two main characters so there’s a fair bit of extra work put into giving them a back-story and motivations that will make sense of their decisions and actions in the plot.

So I figured I talk a little today about what I think makes a good character in a narrative. There’s plenty of web resources covering this topic, but here’s my 2 cents:

Make them flawed.

Think of all the most popular characters in fiction and you won’t have to think for long to find their flaws. There’s whole blogs to be filled with the flaws of Macbeth, Hamlet, Romeo, Leer and Shakespeare’s creations, so too the Greek tragedies, but let’s, for the sake of brevity, confine our discussion to the last couple of decades. Humbert Humbert was a pedophile, Leopold Bloom couldn’t keep his thoughts in order, Sherlock Holmes was a drug addict (and almost certainly insufferable company), Yossarian was insane (but not insane enough), Randle McMurphy was too sane, Billy Pilgrim was unstuck in time, Kurtz was a megalomaniac and a murderer, Winston Smith was old and weak and pathetic, Atticus Finch… well there’s always an exception.

Seriously though it’s the flaws that we as readers want to see. Even in non-realistic narratives. Superman gets a lot more interesting if there’s kryptonite about. Batman is the best superhero character because he is the most flawed. Harry Potter is flawed because (spoiler alert) he has part of Voldemort’s soul in him. We watch Star Wars because of Darth Vader (who’s evil) and Han Solo (who’s a ‘rogue’). I doubt the films would have been so popular if they were all about Luke going into Tosche Station to pick up some power converters.

George Martin understands this better than most. So too do Scott Lynch, Joe Abercrombie and Richard K Morgan. Tolkein probably didn’t.

Allow readers to relate to them

Characters aren’t really people. Although you want them to be realistic you need some room for the reader to wriggle in and make themself part of the narrative. This is where Luke Skywalker comes in, and Frodo, and Charles Marlowe, and Harry Potter in the first few books (we only find out about his flaw after several increasingly large volumes), and so many others.

I wasn’t raised by my uncle and aunt on tatooine, but I know what it’s like to have too many chores and to wish my life could mean something more than just working on the family farm. I’ve never had a magic ring but I know what it’s like to feel over-burdened and crushed by responsibility. I’ve never been to Africa but I know what it’s like to be in a strange place where the cultural rules you know don’t count for much and you’re trapped on a journey to a task you don’t really want to do. I’ve never been to Hogwarts but a new school and I’m an outcast… I could go on.

The best example of this rule (but possibly the worst example of every other rule) is Bella from Twilight. Now I’m basing this on the films because I’ve seen two of those but  haven’t read any of the books. Bella is a shell. She’s utterly empty and devoid of any personality, will or individuality. This makes her the perfect vessel for the reader. You can pick up Twilight and start reading and in your imagination you’re imagining yourself having to choose between the perfect (but dead) Edward and the perfect (but not Edward) Jacob. *swoon*

Give them a purpose of their own

Not just their purpose for your story, but a purpose to their own being. It doesn’t have to make sense to us, but it has to make sense to them. There’s still a pantomime thrill in having a character do something you, the reader, know is dumb. If it seems to them that it’s the best thing to do but the reader knows something they don’t then no worries. Of course if they’re basing their action or decision on something we know but the character doesn’t you have a problem.

When we do something we vary rarely (Plato and Aristotle would argue basically never) do it for its own sake. We always have some other goal, or end, in mind. I don’t go to the gym because I have a really massive desire to pick up iron and put it back down where I found it. I don’t go for a run because of the run itself. I do these things because I believe that if I do I will be fitter and healthier. I want to be fitter and healthier because I believe it will bring me a happier, longer life. I want a long life because I want to spend more time with my family and see my boys grow up. I want to be there when they grow up so I can help them to be good people and live good lives (whatever that means).

My point is that characters will have these long-term motivations too. As a writer you need to balance the short-term and the long term motivations and create a pattern of actions which make sense. Of course there’s room to create a capricious or unpredictable character, but even they will want to achieve something in the end.

Make them grow

Maybe growth is a loaded term, but make them change at least. Maybe not every character, and maybe not a lot, but over the course of your story someone or someones need to change.

There’s examples in Harry Potter and Star Wars again (think of Luke Skywalker, or Harry himslef, or better yet the many changes of Snape, or the vast change in Neville). In the Game of Thrones (spoiler alert) Robert bemoans his own transformation from warrior hero to fat alcoholic, Arya goes from nobleman’s daughter to a criminal boy (even if it is a disguise).  Think of the reversal in Macbeth – initially he’s unsure and tending to loyalty even if it is through guilt, she’s egging him on, taunting him for his weakness. By the final act Macbeth is mad with bloodlust and Lady Macbeth overcome with guilt. This is what we wanted to see. How do people change? How are they affected by what’s happening to them, by the things they do or which are done to them?

Now there are exceptions. Call it ‘The Simpsons’ phenomenon (though it’s been around a lot longer than that). Bart will always be an underachiever. Homer will never learn. Lisa will always wear those pearls. But The Simpsons and the like are narrative McDonalds: we know it’s not really good for us but it’s comfortable, familiar, you know what you’re going to get from it.

Narrative force is in change, and it takes both character and plot development (more on that later) to make it happen.


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